Reasons to Hate Love
by Hetahomostuck
Summary: I'm a richie. He's an inhabitant of a mysterious jungle without a penny to his name. Yet somehow we crossed paths. And the notorious "Love" strikes me like a python.
1. 1: It comes at worse time possible

**Okay! Now that SKWK is over with, I'm starting a new fic. Honestly, I planned on starting later on, like a week from finishing SKWK, but the first three chapters are already pre-written and I might as well begin. I hope you guys enjoy this one just as much (or maybe even more) than the last!**

**Reasons to Hate Love**

Love is a bitch.

At first, it seems like it'll never happen to you. Then, at the worst times possible it just stalks up behind you and strikes, intoxicating you with the venom of attraction. That's what love is like. And I hate it. I hate it to a level that can't be possibly comprehended or described, at least in English.

You're probably wondering what the hell happened, cause people like that romance bullshit. Let me start from the beginning.

Dirk Strider, age 19, co-owner of a fifteen trillion dollar profit corporation that basically sells the least likely things to be related: comics/movies, puppets/porn, and robots. I am particularly keen on robotics, building a full machine in just a week. I usually get a lot of inspiration from problems I find incredibly annoying, then I build something to solve that. Sure, I'm slowly running out of ideas, but we're filthy fucking rich anyways so who cares?

The owner of the entire Strider Bros franchise is none other than Broseph Strider, Bro we call him. Cause he's our big brother. The youngest of the family is Dave, two years younger than me but he's still considered the baby. He's my little brother. Another cool fact about him is that love had already stricken him a few years ago. At first it was considered a bro crush, then puppy love, and now it's just love because those two can't survive five minutes apart from each other.

Who has Dave head-over-heels? Just a little dork named John. At first, he seems pretty sweet and even cute with that messy hair and small overbite.

Talking to him is a whole different story.

The dude's a little asshole! He will sass you out and then bulldoze through every emotion in your system until your soul is a mushy mess of nothing but negativity. That is what bothers me about how Dave fell in love with him. I tried a conversation with John and he shot me down at every simple question. However, he and Dave can talk and joke around for hours without one making the other cry.

I guess love makes one either much nicer or much harsher, depending on their attitude.

Anyways, my point here is that John is an adorkable, fun, sweet, cold-hearted asshole that will beat you to a pulp using only a kind tone and harsh words. He's like a sass rival for Dave.

John is also part of the Betty Crocker Company. The entire family consists of him, Jade (his legally adopted sister), Jane (the owner of the company, adopted mother of John and Jade's biological mother), Mr. Egbert (John's adopted grandfather and Jane's biological father), as well as their Nanna and Poppop (basically the caretakers of everyone with some biology/adopted bullshit connection). You're already (hopefully) aware of the Betty Crocker corporation, so I won't go in detail. But there is one thing you need to know, and it's this: There have been rumors. Rumors of a certain Crocker/Egbert family member being kicked out of the company, disowned by the family, and sent out to the middle of the Pacific to die. This rumor started about five years ago, and is still going around, although it's old news and no one really gives a shit anymore... I asked John many times before about that but he's an asshole, so yeah...

Anyways, we just moved into this remote island at a mansion previously owned by Jade. For some reason, it was surrounded by barbed wire and an electric fence before the movers removed it… Despite that, it's absolutely beautiful. Awesome view, surrounded by grass and water, jungle in the depths of the island... Truly an amazing and rather impressive place to be!

I hate it already. Believe it or not, I very much enjoyed the poor life we had before striking it rich. Sure, it was a pain to share such a small apartment and take turns eating dinner every night, but I loved just chilling with my bros while watching a cheap shitty movie on our small-ass TV, cuddling up to each other to save money from the heating bills and strifing on the roof afterwards. We don't necessarily do anything like that anymore since we can afford extra heat, awesome TV, and basically everything else.

But hey, I appreciate that at least. It's just that me and my brothers were so close back then. Now, Dave is never home because he's too busy with his movie and comic making along with hanging out with John and much, much more. I do like how he found love and a wonderful job, but his schedule is too tight for me to even ask him a question without him responding with "Fuck off, I'm busy". I miss being with Dave... We were rather close...

And Bro... Well he's always been a pretty awesome pair, but now that he's always making his pornos or sewing his erotic puppets, I can't even talk to him!

And me? Well, I have a very loose schedule. You see, I invent awesome robotics like once a month but after that, all I gotta do is turn in the blueprints and prototype to the factories to mass-produce it. After that I have nothing to do.

Not even Equius, our unbelievably strong butler can hang out with me because he's always too busy trying not to break any of our shit.

So what position does that put me in? A state of loneliness. At first, I didn't mind. But now I'm feeling a little weird, frustrated even. It's like there's something missing.

I needed someone, and I needed someone badly. I just needed a significant other to talk to, to hold, and to fuck senseless into the wall.

As of the moment however, all I could do was use my imagination, as well as my right hand.

Yeah okay that was a bit too much information, but you understand my point, right? I was lonely, deprived, and desperate. It's like being the last living creature on earth while in heat. Despite that, I'm a very picky being. I can't just pick ANYONE to spend the rest of my life with. I have to have someone who's attractive, adventurous, and knows how to get shit done. Of course, my standards are way too high for anyone I know besides myself. But a man can dream, right?

Well, I've had enough "dreams" for my own good. Everyone I know is just not enough. And everyone I meet is just horribly cliché and unworthy of my love. There is this one girl, Roxy, who is obviously attracted to me. She's sweet, wonderful, and badass. But she's not really my type. I'm not attracted to her because, 1: she's an alcoholic, and 2: I'm gayer than a threesome of rainbow colored fashionista male football players.

So she's not on my wish list.

Now that that's covered, I have no one to love. I would go to Roxy but she'd know that my love is fake and that would be heartless of me.

Well, this new place we moved to has a whole jungle beyond its front lawn, which looks incredibly explorable. So what would be the smart thing to do? Explore, of course!

I snuck away as my brothers talked to the movers and darted off into the forest. I'll admit that it was a dickishly idiotic idea to go without a katana or a compass but I was filled with too much curiosity to wait.

The jungle was lively, despite the lack of large living creatures in my view. As I looked around, I caught sight of a few oddities on the trees. There were splashes of...paint? Berries? Well, whatever it is, they decorated the trees colorfully, even with pictures of people and animals I didn't know existed. Why are all the animals colors of the rainbow? A red crab monster? A brown fairy bull? A yellow-wait. What the fuck is that thing?

Anyways, it looked rather pretty and creative. Maybe Jade had been drawing in her sleep when she still lived here?

As I continued to walk, there was this odd symbol on a certain tree that caught my eye. The symbol was a green skull... Huh. Interesting... I kept on walking the path until it stopped at this clearing. The clearing was fairly small and an entire wall of greenery surrounded it. I'll have to bring my katana next time so I don't get smacked in the face by anymore plants. The sunlight seems to hit this area in the most blatant way, but it's also a soft kind of sunlight. It's the kind of sunlight warmth that makes people want to lie down, stop worrying about life for a while, and take a cat nap. Hmmm... I looked around-not a single living creature in sight. Perfect... Maybe this should be my relaxation area, a place to go when I don't wanna deal with people. Yeah... That sounds nice...

Of course, with my luck, relaxation time didn't even last long enough to start because soon I felt myself being pounced. I hit the ground, landing on my back and sliding a good distance on the soft grass before coming to a stop. Now the enemy has me pinned to the ground between his legs. I was about to yell at my attacker and fight back, but then I found out I was face-to-face with hunkalicious...

Those malicious emerald eyes... That perfectly cute face, framed in messy black hair... That little Egbert-like overbite... That hot islander tanned body, just barely covered by a ripped up green jacket, a white shirt underneath in the same condition (is that the skull from the tree on there?), and khaki shorts ripped at the bottom... I never believed in love at first sight, but hot damn I'm starting to believe it now...

While I was in a trance at this guy's level of attractiveness, his fist connected to my face, snapping me out of it. I didn't fight back. No, I'd hate to ruin such a beautiful face... And just as I didn't think he could be any more attractive, he starts talking.

"Care to explain why you're in my bloody territory?"

Oh my god. He's got an adorable, sexy British accent. I think that pounce killed me and I'm in heaven…

I suppose now's not a good time to get a boner, but that's not stopping my dick. So up it goes. Luckily, I don't think the other really noticed. Even if he did, he's preoccupied and didn't say anything about it. Instead, he took out a gun and aimed it close to the side of my head.

"I asked you a question. The least you can do is answer instead of getting interesting thoughts in the middle of a fight."

Welp, he noticed. I hope he doesn't know that my interesting thoughts weren't about him... To keep myself from stuttering and losing my cool, I took a deep breath and answered as smoothly as I can. "Aw, sorry about that. I was just reminded of this one night-"

He hit the gun up against my head. "Answer me."

I chuckled nervously. "Right. Sorry. I was just exploring! No big deal, right? I just moved in and-"

He hit me again.

"I honestly don't give a damn that you just moved in. Stay. Out. Of. My. TERRITORY! Capeesh?"

I nodded quickly, but that was a lie. My first idea of what to do was stalk his territory and try to find a way to win his heart. Of course, I'm not gonna tell him this. Damn it feels pretty bad lying to him, but meh. He'll probably get over it. Or shoot me. Either way...

He got off of me and put the gun back in that belt strap thing. Then he glared at me and growled out between clinched teeth, "If I catch you here again, so help me I will rip your dick off with my bare hands. Good day to you, sir." Then he ran off into the vegetation, jumping into a bush.

...

I think I'm in love.


	2. 2: Greeting your love is difficult

**Second chapter! I got this shit edited and ready to go. Yeah…**

It's human nature to want what you can't have. Humans are greedy and will go for that one thing. If a man wants a Ferrari, and he doesn't have the money for it, he'll want it more. If a man had been totally content just being in a room all his life with the option of leaving, and he's suddenly not allowed to get out, he will want that freedom more than anything. If a man has never used a gun in his life, and suddenly his right to get a gun is taken away, he will fight for that right.

People want to have things they can't have. Like how they always say the grass is greener on the other side. Even if they won't use those things or eat that grass. It's the thought, right?

Well, I want this guy because he's really hard to get-I can't have him. It's like getting smacked in the face by a ghost, challenged to hit it back. I try my hardest, but that ghost won't feel a thing. But I keep trying until it feels something. That's the goal ahead of me.

Bro, Dave, and I all sat at the breakfast table. This is the only time we really ever get to hang out together before Dave has to fly the jet to Los Angeles and Bro has to kick me out of the house for another porn taping.

What wonderful family time.

Equius brought our plates to the table, setting them down as gently as possible. Dave didn't acknowledge his food, as usual, and continued to text John. Maybe I should make him a new phone that sends an electric shock through him every time he texts around us.

Bro slowly ate his food without a word. I did the same, thinking about that jungle dude.

Bro stared at me for a long moment and chuckled.

"So who is it?"

Dave looked up from phone and smirked. I shot him a look before glaring back at Bro.

"No one, asshole."

Bro laughed. "What's he like?"

I took a bite of my pancake and chewed slowly so I didn't have to answer.

Bro was patient though, continuing to stare into my soul, ripping me apart with those harsh, dark grey eyes behind those shades of his. I hate it when he does that...

Giving up, and swallowed my food. "I don't know much about him... He kind of attacked me and then ran off."

"I thought you said love at first sight was bullshit."

"I did until it wasn't."

Dave looked at us, rolled his eyes, and continued to text.

Bro smirked, but didn't push the subject any further.

Soon after, the sound of the jet landing cued Dave to leave. He took a piece of toast without even saying goodbye. Bro and I are used to this kind of attitude from him.

Bro kicked me out of the house and told me to go play around with my boyfriend. His coworkers were bound to come soon, so I flipped the bird at Bro for his comment and took my leave.

Stupid Bro... Stupid Dave and John... STUPID JUNGLE DUDE!

I'm so sick and tired of this love bullshit already.

At least I already had my backpack and katana on me...

I started into the jungle, same way I came in yesterday. Now I know my chances of getting shot, so once I made it to the painted trees, I decided not to enter. I'm assuming those are territory markers. And drawings made out of boredom.

I've never climbed a tree my entire life, living poor in a heavily polluted city in Texas. There were no trees! All we had were weeds in the sidewalks and dying plants that somehow survived that horrible city air, burning sun, lack of water, and careless people just striding all over them as if they didn't give us oxygen. Ok, so I may be somewhat of a hippie, tree hugger that really hates corporations. Ah, the irony of being part of a corporation to get a profit. Which is weird cause we barely spend the money we get unless it's on charity. We only do that occasionally.

Anyways, I've climbed buildings. Can't be that different from trees, right?

Wrong.

Buildings are smooth, flat, uniform, and hold welcoming window ledges to easily jump on so I could get to the roof.

Trees are rough, awkward, diverse, and hold shitty branches and sharp bark to send a good "fuck you" before snapping and making you fall.

At least, to me they do.

I spent the first five minutes trying to figure out how to start. Then I decided to climb like I climb buildings: flash stepping. That got me high enough to barely reach the first branch. I scurried up until I found myself grabbing the branch with all arms and legs like a sloth. I pulled myself on top of the branch, huffing and puffing. How the fuck do those little kids climbing trees on TV put up with this bullshit?

I stood up on the branch and smiled proudly. That smile dropped when I saw the next branch. It just so happened to be /just/ out of my reach. Maybe if I jumped...?

I took a chance. It was a stupid chance, but a chance nonetheless. I jumped a bit too high and too far, slamming into the branch with my stomach. I hooked my arms over the branch and scurried on top once again. This was taking a lot more retarded looking leg movement than it really needed. It's like being two years old again, jumping up on the kitchen counter and doing that animal-like leg thing, trying to get all the way on top to eat some shitty-ass cookies.

Who am I kidding, I still do stuff like that cause Bro hides his cookies on top of the cabinets. Haha, idiot can't hide shit from me.

Don't you dare fuckin judge me cookies are the food of the gods.

Once I made it on top of the branch, the third one up was a piece of cake. The fourth one was difficult, but manageable. And eventually I was hopping from branch to branch, cat scurrying my way up and using every bit of strength I could muster. After what felt like-and probably was- hours of learning how to climb by slipping on branches and landing on my dick, I finally made it to the top. Taking the binoculars out of my now beat-up backpack, I searched the area for that jungle dude. It's not stalking. It's admiring someone from a distance.

Not stalking.

Nope.

For some reason, I couldn't find him. Bushes? No. Trees? No. Clearing? No. Then that's when I hear it. That smooth British accent.

"That was an awful lot of effort just to go bird watching. Spoiler alert: there are no birds on this island. Only fairy bulls."

I swiftly turned around to see him standing on the thin branch over mine, leaning against the trunk like he's got nowhere to be. And is he...smiling? Oh my god that smile is so perfect... How does he keep his teeth white while living in the jungle like this?

How is he clean...?

Damn, sounds kinda like a plot hole in this fanfic but I'm sure there's a reason.

Anyways, that smile makes me almost jizz myself so yeah that's nice.

I looked down at my binoculars and chuckle nervously. "Right... Bird watching was definitely my goal. It wasn't like, stalking you or anything. Hehehe..."

I probably should tell you guys that I am the worst fucking liar on the planet. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?"

"Nothing, not important. Just thinkin out loud, dude."

"..."

"It's a really nice day today... The sunlight is so perfect, don'tchya think?"

"..."

"Uh... I don't think we've officially greeted each other, y'know, cause you kinda attacked me last time we met? It's cool. Forgive and forget, right?" I gave him this nervous smile. He just looked at me. I tried again, offering my right hand.

"Hello there, good sir. My name is Dirk Strider. And you are?" I become extra polite when I'm nervous and awkward. God damn it... Why did Bro teach Dave how to keep his cool during such a situation but only thought me how to sew?

Jake glanced at my hand. Then he swiftly took out his gun and shot a hole straight through it.

Welp.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I toughed it out, holding my now injured hand in the other. I squeaked, "Hehe, you're a funny guy... With your guns and stuff... Is this how you greet new friends?"

He continued to make me uncomfortable under his stare.

...

I still love those eyes of his... He finally says something.

"I told you to stay out of my territory."

"Ah, yes, I remember that." Fuck my hand is bleeding a lot... "Good times together, eh?"

"You didn't listen."

"I know... I'm a pretty terrible listener." Oh my god am I trembling?

"I'm giving you thirty seconds to scram."

"B-but-"

"Tick tock, Strider."

I looked down. That's too high to fall down safely and I had absolutely no idea how to get down. I looked at him for help. He narrowed his eyes. Time was running out. I quickly searched the area for anything.../anything/ that could help me down. Nothing.

My thirty seconds was up, and he smirked. "Ding ding! Time's up, Strider."

"You can call me Dirk."

"Alright, Dick."

"Dirk."

"So Dick. I'm guessing you've never climbed a tree before?"

"Y'know what? Strider sounds like a better choice."

"I asked you a question, Dick."

I let out and audible sigh and nodded. He chuckled. "Well, getting down from a tree is easier than you think."

"Really? How?"

He harshly shoved me off the branch. Well, that is a way down, I guess. Just not the SAFE WAY.

I screamed like a five year old in a horror movie and squeezed my eyes shut. Suddenly, I came to a stop and slowly landed in the grass. I'm pretty sure I just pissed myself but whatever. I have no fear of heights, just falling and dying. God, I hate gravity... I heard a soft thump next to me and that angelic British accent.

"Get up, you pussy. You're fine."

Ah yes, exactly what an angel would say...

I opened one eye to see that I was still on Earth, laying down on the grass. Well fuck. So much for dying and going to heaven.

Not that I would've even ended up in heaven anyways.

There was a fuck ton of golden dust surrounding me, so I sat up to see what the hell happened. The young man was standing next to me, giving me a condescending look. Hovering in the air next to him was this strange creature. A bull with wings... A...fairy bull? Like in the pictures? Whoa...

I fixed my shades that somehow stayed askew on my face and stared at the fairy bull and it's partner.

He grinned at me and petted the fairy bull. "Isn't he cute? His name is Tinkerbull and he's always willing to help when I'm in danger."

Jungle dude has a pet fairy bull named Tinkerbull. That's some hardcore shit right there.

I glared at him for a long moment, then sighed heavily, getting up and dusting myself off.

"Y'know, instead of shooting my dominant hand and pushing me off a tree, you could tell me your name."

"That's confidential information that I choose not to tell you."

"You're no fun."

He chuckled and shook my injured hand. I hissed in pain as he finally introduced himself.

"Jake English. But you may call me Jake. Call me anything else and I'll feed you to the sea goat."

So much for calling him Jerk.

"So Dork."

"Dirk."

"Why did you idiots move here?"

Don't get angry, Dirk. Just calm down... "We moved here because we figured no one else was here and we hate people. What the hell are you doing out here? Lost? Stranded?"

"I told you my name what else do you want from me?!"

"Jesus Christ, dude it was just a question. I just wanna know more about you so we can..."

Date

Kiss

Fuck

Love

"...be friends."

Right, that's what I meant.

He rose an eyebrow at me. "Friends. With me."

"Yes!"

He laughed. "I attack you. I shoot your hand. I push you out of a tree. And you want to be friends?"

I nodded, making him chuckle a little more.

"I applaud your tenacity. No matter how much I shoo you away, you come crawling back."

"..."

"I like you."

I had the happiest, dorkiest little smile on my face. Did I care? Nope.

"So... Friends?" I offered my uninjured hand. He took my injured hand and shook it.

"Friends."


	3. 3: Food is always relevant

**And finally, the third chapter**

Ah, the sun is shining, birds are singing, Bro is fucking another random dude downstairs and Dave is in Tokyo with his boyfriend for their anniversary. Another wonderful day...

I was stuck in my room because Bro would probably get really mad at me if I walked in on his porno shoot. I looked out my window, genuinely sad about my lack of freedom.

Oh Jakey, oh Jakey! Wherefore art thou Jakey?

I'm calling him that when we start dating.

Or at least, if.

There's no way I was going downstairs, so I used my building-climbing skills to crawl out the window and safely land on my feet from the second story. Haha, take that, Bro.

I took the same route through the forest and to the clearing, where Jake was taking a nap. I hid behind the tree, not to watch, but to make sure he doesn't shoot me when he wakes up. I watched anyway.

He's such a fucking cutie when he's sleeping! Almost makes me wanna squeal like a fuckin fangirl at a convention. He's brutal and kind of intimidating when awake but he's like a little kitten when asleep. Look at that lil shit.

Sleep is a time where every creature is most vulnerable. They could be the most fearsome predators in the world but when they're sleeping, they're just fuckin sleeping. No roaring, no biting, no bloodlust.

Just...pure sleep!

I smiled a little at him. So fucking cute... His cheek smoshed up against his arm, blank face that doesn't show malice or cockiness-but contentness, lying down like a cat, feet kicking oh-so slightly...

It was possibly the hardest feat for me not to squeal, or run up to him, or pet him, or harshly pounce on him and smash my lips against his...

...

Yeah...

I walked up to him, quieter than...well I'll come up with a metaphor later.

Then I slowly sat down cross-legged next to him, smiling and removing my backpack. I unzipped it and took out the meal I brought with me: sandwiches. I know I'm rich but sandwiches are really fucking tasty so who gives a shit?

When I poked him, his only response was a small grunt. I shook him, and he rolled to face away from me, grumbling. Hehe, how cute... I never thought he'd be this big on sleep, honestly. I kinda thought he'd be all alert and shit but I don't think a rocket launch could wake him up on a good night.

Now what would wake a guy up...? Ah, yes this'll get him up:

"I have food."

In a flash, Jake sat up and looked at me. "Food?"

Bingo.

"Yep." I handed him the sandwich wrapped in plastic. He just stared at me.

"What is this?"

"A sandwich."

"A whatwich?"

"A sandwich."

"What's in it?"

"Food."

He continued to stare at me. I sighed. "Ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo, bread, deliciousness..."

"That sounds disgusting!"

"Then try it."

He glanced at the sandwich then back to me, hesitantly taking it out of my hand and unwrapping it. He gave me one more look before opening his mouth. Then he lowered the sandwich from his face. Oh so close yet so fucking far...

"You poisoned it, didn't you?"

"What? No! Why the hell would I wanna poison you?"

"Cause it seems like everyone wants me dead..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

Before I could push the subject further, he took a bite of the sandwich.

"Huh... Pretty good."

Yeah act as careless as you want, English. I saw the way your pupils dilated the moment your tongue made contact with that sandwich. Fucker thinks I'm blind or some shit...

I smirked at him and unwrapped my own sandwich, about to eat until something swiped at my hands and the sandwich was gone. I looked over at Jake, who was eating _my_ sandwich.

"Uh... You could've asked."

He looked me in the eyes and took another bite, probably out of spite.

"Wow, rude."

He looked away and kept chewing.

"Hey, are you ignoring me?"

No response. He just took another bite.

"I don't like being ignored, English!"

Nothing. He stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.

"You fuckin asshole! I was hungry too, y'know!"

He turned back to me and crawled over to my backpack, digging into it for more food. I glowered at him the entire time until he found my bag of Doritos and opened it up.

"Hey. Gimmie that."

He hissed at me and scooted away, eating some chips. I growled a little.

"Did you just hiss at me?"

He stuffed some more chips into his mouth.

"Jake."

He narrowed his eyes at me and ate some more. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't that hungry, but he was starting to piss me off. I jumped at him and pounced, causing him to slide across the clearing a bit. He dropped the chips and yelped in the process. I smirked.

"How does it feel to be the prey, English?"

He swallowed any remaining food in his mouth. "Get off."

"Nah..."

"I'm only gonna say it one more time, Strider. Get. Off."

I tightened my grip on his wrists, pinning him down. "Yeah? What are ya gonna do about it?"

"..."

"Haha, that's what I fucking thought." He gave me this kicked puppy face.

"I haven't eaten in three days... I'm... Sorry."

Did he just _apologize_? Damn...

My eyes widened a bit. "You haven't eaten in three days?"

"Nope. Hunting wasn't very successful and the crab monsters are getting meaner. Fairy bulls don't have enough meat on them for a decent meal... All that grows here are pumpkins and I became sick of those long ago."

Shit, now I felt pretty bad.

"Why didn't you just say so? I would've let you have my food without complaint!"

He didn't respond, so I got off of him and handed him the bag of chips. He gratefully accepted it and we shared, eating in a comfortable silence for a while. Finally, Jake spoke up.

"I've been on this island for five years... My memory's incredibly foggy and I don't remember shit about my normal life in civilization. And what I do remember is something I never like looking back on..."

"What is that?"

"I said I don't like looking back on it what in the name of all that is holy made you think I was fine and dandy with bloody TALKING ABOUT IT?!"

I flinched at the outburst and mumbled out an apology.

"Well, is there anything you're willing to tell me about yourself?"

"No."

"... Okay... Well, is there anything you'd like to know about me?"

"I don't care to know."

"I have two brothers and I'm a co-owner of a multi-trillion dollar company. Seriously, we bought this island."

"Don't care."

"My big bro's the owner of a puppet/porno company and kinda makes the bulk of the cash. He's pretty cool, really tough on the outside but he's just a big baby."

"What part of 'I don't care' do you not understand?"

"My little bro's got a boyfriend that looks kinda like you...only wimpier and paler. Also, his hair is less messy."

"I don't-wait...what's his name?"

"John. Why?"

"No reason... The description just matches someone I know..."

"Is his name John?"

"... No. At least, I don't remember his name being John."

"Oh..." I had this strange feeling that Jake was lying about something here...

"Well... Jake. Is there a place you call home-or a place to go when it rains or do you just tough it out in the wild?"

"I have a home..."

"Could I come over?"

"No... Why would you wanna see my home?"

"Friends go to each other's houses and have fun there!"

"There's nothing fun inside my house. I don't have TV or video games or wi-fi or any of that cool stuff. Everyone besides you thinks I'm dead so I don't have a chance with shopping in the outside world..."

Everyone thinks he's dead?

"Well... It'd still be pretty cool being at your place! I mean, is it a cave or a cabin?"

"Cave..."

"Is it cozy?"

"It's dirty, uncomfortable, cold, and it smells like shit."

"Oh..."

"But that's my home and all I've got."

"Jake, do you have something soft to sleep on?"

"No."

"Want me to buy you a bed?"

"I don't want you to buy me anything. In fact, stop giving me things! It makes me feel bad that I have nothing to give in return... So stop!"

I looked down at my injured hand (Bro wrapped it up yesterday night. How kind of him.) , then back to him. "Jake, I'm filthy fucking rich. I don't need you to give me anything in return."

Except maybe your love... Yeah... That'd be nice...

"Still! It just doesn't feel right... Taking and taking and taking with nothing to give in return."

I smiled at him. "You're a pretty selfless spirit aren't you?"

"No, I'm a selfish asshole and I don't know why you want to be my friend. Is it pity? Because I don't need pity."

"No! I genuinely like you!"

I like him a lot.

"Whatever."

We sit there in some more silence until the sound of thunder boomed from a distance. I may or may not have flinched... Jake didn't have any reaction whatsoever and just ate the last chip.

"It's gonna rain." I warned him. He didn't even look look up at me. "I know."

"You goin home or do you wanna come to my home and chill in comfort?"

"I'm going home." Jake stood up and left.

I gave him a look of worry. Now that he's not running off and instead just walking, I could tell that his posture was horrible, limp in his walk, overall dread and discomfort in his being.

He needed a bed, something soft, welcoming, like a mother's embrace. I know full and well that he'd rather amputate his legs than accept my help, so I took one last look at Jake, picked up my backpack, and headed back home.

...

A RIVER.

That was the metaphor I was looking for... A river... Heh.


	4. 4: Don't get me started on family love

**There's nothing to say.**

For the last time, it's not stalking. It's admiring someone from a distance.

Anyways, from previous observations, I discovered that Jake has an incredible sense of hearing as well as smell. Dude can hear a pen drop from a mile away and has the smelling senses of a bloodhound. Challenging to hide from, really. He should work with the police or crime investigators cause he'd be their favorite worker.

One thing of his that is unbelievably terrible is his eyesight, which has me at an advantage.

As for his other senses… There actually is a type of cologne that is scientifically engineered to terminate human scent as well as any other outside smells they picked up. It was originally meant for people who wish to pet young wild animals without them catching their scent. Clever, huh? Unfortunately for the Middle and Lower Classes, it costs a shitload of money.

Luckily, I'm filthy rich and bought like ten bottles.

So Jake's gonna have a hard time finding me. Flash-stepping is a silent technique so my stalking-er- _admiring from a distance _will be successful.

I hid in this bush, watching him sitting at the clearing. For the past five minutes, he's been staring off into space with a bored expression on his face. Finally, he shook his head and sighed. Soon after, Tinkerbull came flying up to him, making its weird squeaking noises. Jake laughed a little and petted it.

"'Ello there, Tinkerbull! Hehe, just waiting for someone…"

Tinkerbull sparkles and makes more squeaking noises. For some reason Jake blushed and glared at the fairy bull…

"No, he's not my boyfriend! Never in a million years would I go out with him!"

Ouch, that hurt, Jake. I'm hurt.

"Besides, I just met the guy. Sure, I haven't had human contact in five years, but that doesn't mean that I'll just instantly fall in love with the first guy I meet in a while. Anyways, last time I checked, I'm much more attracted to the female gender…"

Maybe if I go transgender he'll like me.

…

Wait, that's a stupid idea. I actually like having a dick.

Jake continued to talk to the fairy bull. "He's not a bad guy, but I'm still unsure of him. Maybe later, but we'll see."

Faith restored.

"I am curious about him, however. He's an odd character. A mystery, actually. What pisses me off are those shades of his. He's always hiding his eyes. I have horrible eyesight, but I do know that those eyes are a vibrant orange."

How did he…?

"It'd be more interesting if I had replacement glasses… I have absolutely no depth perception, nor can I see a thing! I don't even know what he _really_ looks like. I bet he looks alright."

So Jake is just half blind. Maybe I could take an estimated guess and get him those extremely thick glasses. He'll be surely grateful for that, right?

I stood up, took a deep breath, and walked into the clearing as if I hadn't been there watching (not stalking) him the whole time.

"Sup, Jake?"

"Tinkerbull," he joked. It took me a moment until I realized that Tinkerbull was indeed up.

"Ah, so you do have a sense of humor." I smirked at him. He snorted in response. I chuckled and sat down next to him.

"Guess who brought sandwiches!"

Jake grinned and hopped up and down excitedly, like a puppy when you're about to give it a treat. Cutest lil fuck on Earth… I put my backpack on the ground and pulled out three sandwiches (just in case Jake is really hungry), two bottles of orange soda, and a bag of Teddy Grahams.

Hey Teddy Grahams are tasty as fuck. Don't judge me. They're… They're chocolaty chip flavored.

Jake gladly accepted his half of the meal and gave the extra sandwich to Tinkerbull since he wasn't hungry, I guess.

"I ate yesterday, so I should be okay."

I stared at him for a long moment. "Jake… The average human should have three meals a day."

He scoffed. "For five years I have lived at a maximum of two meals a day and I'm fine. All of that medical stuff is bullshit. Don't give me that." I let out an audible sigh. "Alright, dude… I'm still pretty worried, though."

Tinkerbull burped loudly, causing both of us to stare at him. He then pointed to me, frowning defensively.

Pfft.

Both Jake and I chuckled, Jake ruffling the fur on top of Tinkerbull's head. I raised an eyebrow at him, smiling. "What's up with Tinkerbull anyways?"

Jake let out an audible sigh. "He was my only true caretaker throughout my times on the island. He was the only animal that didn't try to kill me, and he was the one who taught me how to survive. He communicates telepathically only to those he holds dear, so I can understand more than just squeaky noises. When I was dropped off on this wretched island, he saved me from the terrifying sea goat by putting it through a calming, hypnotic spell. Then he led me to the cave, showed me which animals would hurt me and which would help me. I have plenty of other animal allies around here, like the blind dragon and the two-mouthed big cat, but they are nowhere near as affectionate as Tinkerbull."

"Wow…" I looked down. "So he's like a brother to you?"

"Indeed he is! And he's one of the best brothers ever!" Jake hugged the fairy bull and grinned.

It's sad, actually. Jake has a better relationship with an animal than I do with my own brothers. Last time I even had real physical contact with my brothers was from our last strife two weeks ago. It's sad, actually…

Time Skip

I stepped into the mansion/science facility/whatever and greeted Bro. He snorted rudely in response. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I love you too, Bro. Nice we had this conversation." Bro laughed and then hiccuped. It was then that I realized that I didn't even look at Bro. And when I did, a wave of disappointment and anger flowed violently through me.

He gave me a crooked grin, an expensive bottle of wine in his hand. "You're-HIC- real fuckin' funny, Dirky-boy. Hehe-HIC!"

Bro had been addicted to alcohol a long time ago when we were still poor. Whenever he got some extra money, he'd spend it on cheap beer and vodka bottles instead of saving it or spending it on a decent meal for the whole family. None of us wanted to look back at those days, but now Bro is leading himself back into addiction.

No.

I will not let this happen again.

I snatched the bottle out of his hands. "BRO, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"I jus wanded-HIC- to have a little excitement in my pathetic void of a life."

"Bro, you're filthy fucking rich! I'm pretty sure there are more things to do than get drunk! Go skydiving or something!"

"Skydiving is for wimps." He hiccupped again and whined. "Gimmie it back, Dave!"

"No! And I'm not Dave!"

"Dirk…"

"I am stopping this now. No more alcohol. You _know_ you can't handle addiction very well!"

Bro mocked me in a high pitched, slurred voice, "_You know you can't handle addiction very well!_"

I glared at him for a long moment. Then I gulped down the rest of the drink, groaning and wiping my mouth. Unlike him, I absolutely hate the metallic liquid so I don't get drinking problems. I honestly did that just so he will stop whining. This only caused him to cry.

I sighed as he got down on the floor, hugging my leg. "You asshole! I paid like 10,000 bucks for that!"

"Oh well! You know how terrible you are with alcohol."

He sobbed into my leg, which I didn't appreciate cause that was my favorite pair of jeans. I kicked him in the face to get him to let go, successfully prying him off. "Fuck off."

Okay, so that was really cold hearted of me, but Bro was miserable, horrible actually, during his drinking days. Not even Dave likes looking back at that. So I walked off to the elevator to the second floor and shuffled to my room, ashamed of Bro, ashamed of myself, and ashamed of my writer for almost spilling Sprite all over the computer.

When I sat down on my bed (probably way too big for just me, but meh), I looked down at the marble floor, a few smuppets scattered about. Then, to cheer myself up, I began to think about Jake.

Ah, sweet, dear, precious, perfect, perfect, Jake…

My first and possibly only true love…

Equius nervously stepped into my room and began mopping the floor. I smiled at him.

"Hey, Equius?"

Equius looked up at me, jumping a bit, startled by the sudden noise. I said to him, "I just wanted to talk. Don't be startled."

He went back to mopping. But I know he's listening.

"So, remember how I'd always tease Dave for being in love and say that it was bullshit?"

Equius nodded.

"Well, looks like karma struck me straight in the heart, and now I don't know how to handle it. I just need some advice… Could you possibly help?"

He frowned and shook his head. I let out and audible sigh. "Thanks anyway, dude."

Equius is a strange character. He never seems to speak, but Bro says that he's incredibly talkative and speaks in the most exquisite manner. "He's a real charmer!" Bro would always say.

I watched him mop, but I didn't see him mop. Instead, I visualized a better future for us. A better future for Jake, the mysterious young man that gives anyone who crosses him a dreaded vibe…

A better future for Dave, the most disconnected from the family and blinded by pride…

A better future for Bro, an addict, alcoholic that only wishes the best for his brothers, but ended up with more than he could handle…

A better future for all of us, where love doesn't separate, but unifies…

Yeah…

That'd be nice to have, wouldn't it?

**Thought this was gonna be a more cheerful chapter? Haha, nope.**

**Next chapter coming sooner than you think!**


	5. 5: It can see all, and burns like fire

**Have you ever seen a Lamborghini because those cars are more attractive than most people I know**

"Are you sure these are the correct glasses?"

"I'm sure. They match the description perfectly. Lack of depth perception, inability to see near, nor far, and extreme heighten in other senses. He's basically blind, and these lenses are the best pair we've got."

The eye doctor handed over the glasses. "Now that'll be the low, low price of $139.00."

I gave him $1,000 in cash and smiled. "Keep the change and buy yourself something nice. Thanks."

I walked out of the eye doctor's store, leaving him to gape at the large tip I gave him. During my visit, he also criticized my shades, saying they were bad for my eyes. When he removed my shades and saw my eye color, the look on his face was just as priceless as the one he just recently made.

I walked out into the parking lot and unlocked my Lamborghini. Why not own one? They look cool as fuck.

A lot of eyes were on my car. But honestly, I'm used to it. Also, a lot of the car is made out of pure gold, but also made light and compact for speed. I got it painted orange because I love that color so much… After a bit of driving, I got to where the jet landed, Equius in the pilot's seat. Is it stupid to have an incredibly strong man without a pilot's license at the pilot's seat? Possibly. Do I care? No.

I parked the car and sighed. It's a pain getting that thing on the plane, so I threw the keys at a lucky pedestrian. He looked at me with a face of pure shock. I grinned. "Keep it. I already have like five more back at home. Have fun, dude."

It's true. That's not my only badass car.

The young man spluttered and started breathing heavily. Then he grinned at me and thanked me like a hundred times. I nodded a 'goodbye' to him and got onto the jet.

Time Skip

The forest/jungle was lively as ever, small critters scampering and fluttering about as fairy bull dust floated around like those annoying little particles you always see in the air.

And to think that this used to be addressed as the "Island of Death"…

As I walked over to the clearing, I found Jake surely enough. He was lying in the grass, probably bored to death. I'd be bored too if all I could do for five years was hang around with nature.

"Jake~"

He grunted in response. I sat down next to him, holding the glasses behind my back. "I got you something!"

"Is it food again?"

"No, it's better."

"I thought it was physically impossible to have something better than food."

"That's cute, but no. Close your eyes."

He stared at me for a long moment, skeptical aura surrounding him. I groaned. "I won't give you any more food if you keep up that attitude, English."

He closed his eyes, but not before rolling them.

Smiling, I put the glasses on his face and straightened them out a bit. The black rims perfectly framed and fit his face. It's moments like these that make me proud of my photographic memory of size and measurements. When I retracted my hands, my smile transformed into that of an over-excited grin. "Okay, now you open your eyes."

Jake slowly opened his eyes. His pupils dilated, suddenly taking in more light and his jaw dropped. He stared at me, adorable green eyes widened.

Jake looked like a whole new person. No longer did he have this intimidating appearance, but now that of an adorable, curious dork. Glasses can change a lot about a person… Jake sighed heavily.

"I look like a nerd, don't I?"

"Nah, man… You look amazing."

He smiled and then pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you."

Whoa

WHOA

Is he…?

Hugging…?

ME?!

PHYSICAL CONTACT?!/1

Cannot compute

Too many emotions

I…

I can't.

The hug ended too soon and I'm pretty sure I had this stupid grin on my face when we separated. Jake looked around, appearing happier and happier when he could see leaves on trees and full forms and figures other than blurry blobs. Or at least, I'm assuming that's how it is with him.

He looked me up and down and smirked. "You're lankier than I thought you were."

"I am not lanky!"

"You are." He poked my arm, causing me to growl at him. I may appear a little lanky but I pack a punch strong enough to take Bro down. Jake chuckled a little. "You don't have much meat on you… Now I understand why the animals haven't killed you yet. You're not worth it!"

I take offense to that.

In fact, I took so much offense to it that I threw a punch at him (using my right hand because it's instinct to go dominant). He grabbed my hand before it could make contact with his face and then, in one swift hand movement, snapped my wrist. This caused me to make this inhuman noise and retract my hand, cradling it in the other.

"You need to practice more. I understand your passive aggressive fights with your brothers, but I battle animals six times my size to the death." Jake smiled. "Would you like me to help you with your wound?"

I nodded, feeling a little defeated.

He whistled, summoning Tinkerbull and pointed to me. The fairy bull nodded before flying over me and just dumping pixie dust all over my arm and hand. I coughed a little and suddenly felt numbness all over my arm soon, it felt as if there was no injury at all. I widened my eyes and looked at Jake for explanation.

"Tinkerbull's dust has the power to heal minor injuries, calm creatures down, cheer creatures up, and if you inhale the dust you'll get this wonderful feeling~"

…

Does Jake get high on fairy dust in his free time?

He cleared his throat. "Ahem, sorry… You don't need to know about that… Anyways, Tinkerbull's dust is incredibly useful. However, he can't help with major injuries so be careful."

I nodded and looked down at my still wrapped up hand. I removed the bandages and grinned. Good as new. I looked over at Tinkerbull, glowing with happiness. "Thanks, lil dude. I owe you."

Tinkerbull wagged his little bull tail. How cute…

Jake stood up, looking at the clear blue skies. "It's gonna rain soon."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Uh… Are you sure those glasses work?" He chuckled a bit. "I'm sure. It's going to rain in about five seconds." Now it was my turn to chuckle. "Jake, you're ridic-"

It started pouring down rain, almost in sheets of water. How did he…?

"Well, are you going home, following me, or standing out here like a bloody idiot?" Jake already had his back to me, ready to bolt. I stuttered incoherently in response. He sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling me along. I may or may not have been a bit too happy about him holding my hand. Tinkerbull followed us, going ahead a bit.

He dragged me a little ways until we reached this sloppy pile of vegetation. Jake let go of my hand and dug through them and fell into the hole below. I gasped and followed him, finding myself sliding into a rocky descent until I was stopped, crashing into a stalagmite. I whined and curled up next to it in pain.

"Ugh, get up!" Jake snapped at me. I obliged, mostly because I'm kind of scared of him right now. Jake let out a heavy breath. "This is my home. Laugh all you want, rich boy, but this is what I've got."

I looked around, my eyes growing wide. No… This cave is more beautiful than the large structures in the city in Texas… It has been undiscovered and unexplored by anyone but Jake, so the ore and diamonds show themselves obviously, sticking out of the cave walls. And where there are no gems or shiny, valuable stones there are colorful cave paintings to take their place. I'm assuming Jake drew them all out of boredom. He's no artist, but they're decent looking and I could (mostly) tell what the pictures were. Not only that, but do to the darkness of the cave, I could see glow worms hanging around here and there, as well as the glowing eyes of…

Are those bats?

"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I let out a (manly) scream as a huge wave of bats charged and attacked me, picking at my hair and almost stealing my shades. As soon as the wave passed and flew out of the small opening of vegetation it was then that I realized it was already night time.

Jake laughed at me and sat down in front of a fire pit with a pile of wood. I rolled my eyes and sat across the pit from him. "So… You gonna start a fire using twigs?"

"Why would I do that?"

I raised an eyebrow at him as he whistled. For a moment, nothing happened. But then, there was the sound of heavy stomping and loud huffing. Or…sniffing? Either way, I was pretty freaked out.

Soon enough, a large, white dragon (about the size of a tiger) came bounding up to us, tongue hanging out of its mouth like a dog. Jake ran up to the dragon, grinning madly and hugging it/her/him/eh(?).

Jake then turned to me. "Meet Pyro, the blind dragon of the island. She helps me with problem such as this. Pyro, do you wish to do the honors?"

BLIND?!

She nodded quickly and blew fire in my general direction. I squealed as the fire nearly hit me, even though it just hit the wood in the pit. Pyro cackled loudly and purred before striding away. I looked at Jake for more explanation. He didn't give it to me and simply sat back down in front of the fire, sighing happily from the heat. I furrowed my eyebrows together and stared at him. He then proceeded to glare at me.

"Get over here with me and warm up with the fire before I burn you with it."

I smiled nervously and crawled next to him, warming up. I scooted just a tad too close for comfort, causing Jake to scoot away a little. He didn't say anything about it, but I feel like I ruined any chance of getting close to him tonight.

Groaning, I snuggled up against a nearby stalagmite, beginning to doze off. The last thing I saw was Jake standing up and watching me, taking out a knife. Everything looked sparkly, like pixie dust or something. I decided not to wake up.

I was not curious about the knife, nor the dust, nor the look on Jake's face. All I did was trail off into a deep, deep sleep.

**Alright, next chapter also coming soon cause I have a lot of free time this weekend!**


	6. 6: It's hard to say

When I woke up the next morning, I sat up, my back cracking a bit. I yawned and looked around the cave. Tinkerbull was sleeping on the ground not too far away. But Jake was nowhere to be seen. There was a long trail of blood leading to the back of the cave. Of course, I made the smart idea of getting up and following it. Tinkerbull was still snoozing.

After a while of following the long trail of blood, I finally reached the end...

Where Jake lay still in the puddle of blood.

Shit no this can NOT be happening!

Nononononononono!

I ran up to him and started shaking him violently. "Jake wake up! C'mon now dude just WAKE UP!"

My voice echoed throughout the cave, probably waking up Tinkerbull but I honestly didn't care. Jake, my only love, just died like that? That was a dick move of him.

But I don't remember the events of last night... How did he die?

There was a knife in his hand, bloody and rusty.

I started trembling a bit.

No...

Why did he?

No!

I shook him again. He growled and turned his back to me. "Go back to sleep, asshole. It's like 5 am."

Wait what?

"Jake?"

"The one and only." He grumbled out.

"B-but you were-I was-how did-why is there- ehhhhh?"

Jake sat up and yawned, stretching his arms. There was some bandaging made from plants on his left, slightly tinted a dark red.

"What's your problem?" He put on his glasses, which were a little wet from blood like the rest of his clothing.

"Why is there so much blood?! Is it your own?" I finally asked, getting myself together.

"Yeah... Why?"

"Jake losing your blood isn't a good thing!"

"I know. But every night I spend in this cave, I try to sleep to no avail. So I just injure myself and pass out from blood loss. It's rather efficient."

I gave him this look. "You... WHAT?!"

"Did I stutter?"

"No... But-"

"I do it all the time, don't worry. I'm fully aware of the consequences. I'm supposed to be dead anyways..."

I frowned. "No, Jake. You're not supposed to be dead. C'mon now dude, you don't just _die_! Nor do you try to! I don't understand!"

"You will later on." He stood up, wobbling a bit and hissing in pain as he held his head. I offered a hand to help him and he slapped it away. "Don't worry, I got it. Ugh..." He struggled a little more to walk properly before appearing a little dizzy and grabbing me for support. I smirked at him.

"I thought you didn't need my help."

"Shut up. I'm not in the mood."

"I can tell."

He glared at me for a long moment, lifted his arm to punch, then dropped it and shook his head, groaning. I smirked again. He was too weak to even punch me!

Then again, I was also concerned. Jake lost a lot of blood and it's probably still rebuilding. Jake needed to eat something and lie down.

"Jake."

"What the bullocks do you want now?!"

Wow his angry British is showing now.

"How about you lie back down and relax as I go get my backpack and find a snack?"

"No!" He hissed in pain again at the noise he made as it echoed throughout the cave. It's like he's got a major hangover or something.

I sighed and ran back to the front of the cage, only to remember that I didn't bring a backpack.

Well this is bad.

Tinkerbull, surely awake, shook his head at me; almost as if he knew exactly what I was looking for.

I overheard Jake following me, stumbling along until he was about three feet away from me. It was then that he collapsed on the ground, growling again.

"Jake, how about you get some more sleep? I'll be back."

He glowered at me, but didn't get up. I'm assuming he's gonna do what I say, so I set off and out of the cave, hoping Jake doesn't fuck himself up again.

It didn't take long to get out of the jungle, for Jake had created a path himself from his tracks and constant walking (also possibly from dragging dead animal carcasses) from the cave to the clearing to my home.

I rushed into the house, nearly running straight into our automatic sliding front door. When I reached the interior of the home, only a sleeping Equius was there, for Bro was out in L. A. to quit his job. He's got tons of money and only continued for his fans (like Dave), so his time of work is over. Next month, after I release my final invention (prescription glasses that have a 3D setting for those who want to watch a 3D movie but don't wanna wear double glasses cause that must be annoying as hell), I'm done with. Servant robots- done. Robo dog/cat- done. More weapons for war- done. Auto responder- done. I broke mine though cause it's an asshole.

Equius likes to wear them.

Anyways, enough about my inventions. I rushed to my room to fetch the backpack, then to the kitchen to stuff some sugary treats like cookies, doughnuts, and chocolate into it.

I bolted through the forest, getting hit by leaves, branches, and bugs along the way. There was no stopping me!

Once I made it to the cave, my laziness and exhaustion caught up with me and soon enough I was dragging myself into the cave, panting. Jake lay on the floor in the same position as before with this bored expression on his face. Breathing too heavily to speak, I simply dropped the backpack in front of him. He grinned and opened it up before immediately (and I really mean immediately) stuffing everything into his mouth.

Damn that guy can eat...

Wiping his mouth, Jake grinned at me. God his face is so cute when it smiles. I offered a hand-which he accepted- and helped him up.

"Now Jake, if you want a place to sleep without having to do that, I have-"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR BLOODY HELP!" Jake shouted in my face. I winced at the noise and backed away from him. He sighed and softened up a little. "I'm sorry. You don't need to help me. If I die of poor health issues, then so be it. I was sent here to die because I deserve it. So quit bothering me about my health!"

"Jake, you don't understand! I'm really concerned about you!"

Damn it's really hard not to confess my love. At the same time, it's hard to actually spit it out.

Jake raised an eyebrow at me. "Why do you care so much? Aren't you rich? You shouldn't give a shit about anybody. I know I sure wouldn't if I were in your position."

"Well, my position isn't all it's cut out to be. Sure, I have comfort and luxury, but what more than that?"

"Power! If you were to kill someone right now and get caught, you would have enough power to get out of any kind of punishment."

"Psh, power?! That's not so great either. Jake, I care about you because-"

"You pity me?"

"No! I-"

"Whatever. You're just another person that I'll grow attached to, end up hurting, and then you'll hate me too."

"That's not true, though. I don't hate you!"

"Then what? How do you feel about me, huh?"

Shit.

I took a deep breath, looked Jake in the eyes, and opened my mouth to say it.

No words came out.

Jake glared at me and then turned around and climbed out of the cave. I tried following him, but Tinkerbull bit my shirt and pulled me back. He shook his head, telling me not to push the subject any further. I sighed and looked down at the dried blood on the floor.

Love is harder than I thought. And that's really saying something...


	7. 7: Others will get in your way

**Guys, never chew gum after eating Doritos. NEVER.**

"DIRK! Oh my goshness where the hell have you been?!" When I walked back into the house that evening, Bro immediately greeted me with a hug and like a dozen kisses. Whenever Dave and I have been gone for too long, Bro will have a mental breakdown and pace around the house wondering where we went. When we get back, he showers us with a shitload of affection. It all started from that time Dave tried to run away but then Bro called the cops. Turns out that Dave was being held hostage by a notorious pedophile. Luckily, the cops found him before anything bad could happen, but ever since then Bro had been incredibly overprotective. He even still worries when Dave leaves to go direct his movies, but doesn't really show it.

Well, since I don't go out often (I know in rich but I'm also lazy if you haven't discovered), Bro gets especially worried about me. So when I returned, Bro dropped a humongous wave of affection on me. I didn't mind, but c'mon, Bro! Equius was in the room!

"Were you hurt? What's with the blood?! Are you okay? Did you eat? Oh my god please tell me you didn't get any diseases!"

"I'm fine, Bro! Jesus fucking Christ! There's no need to worry!"

"What happened? Why weren't you home last night?"

"I was just visiting Jake. He has this cave-"

"I don't care! Just... Never scare me like that again, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever."

After like a hundred more kisses and hugs (he was probably kissing me in ways that that brothers shouldn't, but I didn't mind), Bro stopped giving a shit and went back to...whatever the hell he was doing. It could be paperwork, drawing, counting money, or even curing cancer for all I cared.

Sighing heavily, I shuffled to the elevator and pressed the "2" button, for it led to the second floor. Then I thought about yesterday...

Why can't I just say it? I was never afraid to say anything else! I mean, I'd sooner say "Fuck you" to the president than "I love you" to Jake.

Not that I don't like the president. He's a great guy. In fact, we had quite a few interesting conversations. Damn, I hope I don't get political flame...

But you get my point, right? Jake has this intimidating aura around him. It scares me that there's a high chance he'll say no with a straight face and no emotion other than irritation... Jake has a habit of being apathetic, at least, that's how it seems from the time we spent together.

When the elevator doors opened, I walked up to my bedroom door made of some kind of fancy wood, and stepped inside. I immediately tripped over a toy car I made, getting my foot stuck in it, and sliding across the room a little until it was stopped by a smuppet. It was then that I face-planted into the fucking floor. Damn it... This is why we shouldn't have nice things. Being poor we had literally nothing to trip over!

I remember when we had no money... Such bliss! Sure, it was a pain mowing those sad excuses for lawns and working as much as we could to actually stay in that shitty apartment, but we got used to it. And we were a better /family/. I have no idea what the fuck we are now.

Three guys living mansion?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I stood up and dusted myself off before getting on the bed.

That thing is too big for one person... I mean, I really do hope I can share it with Jake... I don't even want to have sex. I just want_ some_ kind of physical contact that's positive. I mean, seriously? I flipped out over a_ hug_. It was a hug from Jake, but still. A fucking hug.

I need help.

I groaned and laid down. Well, Jake hates me. Dave is a dick. Bro is growing to become pathetic in his ability to take care of himself. And Tinkerbull acts like a smart ass lil fuck.

Looks like not much has changed, huh?

Time skip

When I went out to the clearing, Jake wasn't there. Well, I guess he doesn't want anything to do with me now. I sighed and turned around to leave. Welp, so much for apologizing...

Wait.

There is no giving up with this... I am a Strider, and Striders never give up!

I travelled beyond the clearing and decided to go search for him. It didn't take long, for I could hear him humming not too far away... And water flowing? I followed the noise to reach this thin river that probably crossed the entire island... But to my left, the water dropped, like a waterfall. However, the waterfall apparently wasn't too tall because Jake was right under it, as I could tell from how close the noise was. I flash-stepped down the rocky descent near the waterfall. Hiding behind a nearby tree, I peeked out to see Jake.

And when I say I saw Jake, I mean that I _saw_ Jake. There he was, buck naked under the waterfall, cleaning himself off with some substance (probably soap?) and humming happily to a nonexistent song.

Jake...naked...in front of me...

Oh no he's hot.

And was it necessary for him to move as sensually as possible while he bathed?

I respect his privacy, really. But my eyes trailed downward anyways because I lack discipline.

...

...

...

.

Hot damn...

Jake stepped out from under the small waterfall and shook his head a little to dry his hair. He whistled, summoning Tinkerbull, who was holding his wet clothing. Jake grinned gratefully at the creature and (unfortunately) put on his clothes.

After a little more drying himself off, he looked at Tinkerbull and sighed. "Alright, time to dry. I swear, if you cause another accident, I will be having roasted fairy bull for dinner tonight."

Tinkerbull gulped and then started flapping his wings rapidly. Or, more rapidly than usual. He created this rather violent wind that even affected me. I tried not to be noticed or make any noise in response.

Once Jake was dry, Tinkerbull ceased flapping and smiled proudly. Jake ran a finger though his

(probably damp) hair then smiled a little. "Tinkerbull, wonderful job! It even stayed down-"

Just as Jake finished his sentence, his hair poofed up. Like, really, it looked like a 70's Afro.

Pfft...

Jake glared up at Tinkerbull for a long moment. The fairy bull gulped nervously and backed up a bit. Jake then groaned loudly and tried to straighten his hair using the river water. It stayed down...kind of. There were still quite a few cowlicks here and there.

Speaking of cowlick, Tinkerbull decided the best solution would be to lick Jake's hair down. Jake whined. "Tinkerbull, cut that out! Augh! ... Oh. Thanks!"

Jake smiled at his now flattened down and styled messy hair. I sighed happily at Jake's little smile. No, it wasn't swooning.

It was sighing happily there's a fuckin difference.

He started walking in my general direction, and it took me a moment to realize he was headed for the clearing. Shit...

I hid back behind the tree and held my breath. Jake, oblivious to my presence, passed by, babbling on to Tinkerbull.

Tinkerbull, on the other hand, sensed my presence and turned his head towards me, eyes widening a bit. I smiled nervously and slowly waved at him. He growled and started flying towards me, but Jake grabbed him by his back hoof and pulled him back.

"Tinkerbull, you can chase the butterflies later. Right now we have to get back to the pumpkin patch."

Pumpkin patch?

Tinkerbull made a bunch of panicky noises and pointed towards me, irritation in his movements. Jake raised and eyebrow and looked back in my general direction. I flash-stepped behind the tree before he could see me. It apparently worked cause Jake sighed heavily. "Dirk, huh? That's rich. I highly doubt he would want to have anything to do with me. He probably hates me..."

No Jakey I don't hate you!

Oh, if I weren't too busy hiding, I would've yelled that out. Tinkerbull gave Jake this look before groaning loudly. Jake chuckled. "It's nice that you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping. Thanks, anyways." Jake frowned and stared down at the ground. I pouted a bit but didn't get out of my hiding spot. Tinkerbull glowered at me. I turned smirked back at him. He then raised an eyebrow at me and made this smug grin before flying up to Jake and nuzzling him. Jake, of course, responded affectionately by nuzzling the fairy bull back and kissing his fuzzy little forehead. Then Jake hugged and cradled him. Tinkerbull looked over Jake's shoulder and stuck out its tongue towards me.

That bratty little asshole thinks it's funny that he's getting more Jake action than I am! I growled back at him.

But I growled a bit too loudly.

Jake turned around, letting go of Tinkerbull and whipping out his pistols. He narrowed his eyes behind his slightly cracked (how did he already break them?) glasses. "Where are you ya little bugger? Come out with your appendages in the air!"

I let out a defeated sigh and came out from my hiding place, hands in the air. I chuckled, "Ah yes, you've caught me. Turns out that I ain't such a great hider, eh?"

Jake blinked multiple times until this large smile spread across his face. "Dirk?"

"The one and only." I mocked from the time I woke him up.

"What are you doing here?! More importantly, how long have you been here...?"

"Well, I was a little scared to just work up the nerve to talk to you again. Y'know, cause I might get shot..."

"Oh, well I deeply apologize about that morning... I was a little...grumpy."

"No, no, I totally understand, dude. It's cool."

"So...uh... How long have you been watching me?"

"I just got here. Why do you ask?" Fuck yes I am an awesome lier. Well...sometimes.

"N-no reason..." Jake looked down and blushed a little. Oh my god he is adorable...

I've realized... As Jake got more and more used to me, he turned into a more gentle soul. It's like he started off as a wild animal, afraid to talk to or interact with me, so he attacked instead. Then he got used to me, realizing that I'm no enemy. And finally, there's affection, like a pet that has grown attached to you and will stay by your side no matter what. Jake hasn't necessarily reached that state, hopefully not yet rather than not ever...

Well, that wasn't a very good metaphor, because Jake is much better and more intelligent than a simple animal. But you understand my point.

I offered my hand to him. "So...are we still good?"

He took my hand and shook it, firm and only once as he grinned with that adorable little overbite of his.. "Affirmative!"


	8. 8: It's bloody and violent

Should loud screeching noises be coming from the forest like that? Last time I checked, most definitely not!  
Without a word, I grabbed my katana and backpack, stuffing food, daggers, and a pistol inside just in case. I'm horrible with guns, but I will try it as a last resort if Jake is in danger.  
I dashed out of the house without saying a thing to Bro and Equius. They were probably worried, but I'm sure they heard those noises too and most likely know what I was gonna do.  
Following the noises, I was eventually led to an area with no trees, but fertile soil and pumpkins scattered about. Some were only smushed pulps while others were covered in bright red blood.  
Oh god...  
The screeching got unbearably loud as this huge crab monster rampaged through the trees and into the pumpkin patch. It looked horrid, beat up, lost an arm, covered in its own brightly colored blood as well as a little bit of... Jake's?  
I confirmed it was Jake's blood when I caught sight of him gripping hard onto its head, trying to stay on like a rodeo rider. I gasped and kind of watched in awe as he dropped from the crab monster's head to its neck, shooting straight through the thin weak spot. Blood sprayed-no-shot out of the front of its neck, splattering everywhere. All over the pumpkins, all over the trees, all over me...  
Damn, and this is a new shirt.  
Jake grinned in victory as the crab monster let out another blood curdling screech. However, it was no victory. The monster was still at it, enduring the fatal injury and then grabbing Jake with its remaining claw. Jake screamed out various profanities- British slang and American- before he was thrown across the small pumpkin patch. He hit the ground near my left, sliding across the dirt and slowing to a stop. He trembled as he attempted to get up. I looked up at the crab monster, who was headed in our direction at an unbelievably fast pace for an injured beast.  
It reached Jake and lifted a claw. Immediately, I decided to take a risk and run up to it. I kicked its large back leg.  
"Hey crab asshole! Get your cowardly, pathetic, sorry ass over here and try and catch me! Or are you too weak?"  
It growled and turned towards me, ignoring Jake. Then it lifted a claw at me, ready to smash.  
Success.  
Just as it was about to bring down the hammer, I whipped out my katana and pointed it upward. The claw, heavy and powerful, was stopped and slowed by the katana that broke through the shell and punctured the soft flesh beneath. The crab monster screeched once again and lifted its claw. Then it started shaking its claw violently as though it were trying to get the katana off. Soon enough, it realized that the katana is in a fixed spot and tried using that to its advantage, bring down the claw again to ensure a fatality. I flash-stepped away from its claw and then shouted at it. "HA! Can't land a hit, crabby?"  
It leaned down to my level (which was pretty damn low compared to it, the size of a fuckin truck that's been set vertically on its back) and then roared in my face. Well, if I thought I was already covered in a ton of blood, now I can say that there's blood and spit in places I shouldn't have blood and spit in...  
Big old crabby then got ready to chew me up, opening its mouth to show a full set of teeth that have been built into the shell. But before it could even bite down, a bullet flew straight through its right eye and exploded out of its left. It stood still for a moment, and then finally it collapsed right in front of me. I glanced over at Jake who smiled wearily back at me. He limped towards me and that perfect bloodstained smile of his transformed into a grin. I removed my shades and tried cleaning off some of the blood on it. Jake did the same with his-  
Wait.  
No he didn't.  
His glasses are gone.  
What the fuck, Jake?  
Okay, he could've lost them in that crab attack but still.  
Jake jumped up and down, which is weird because didn't he have a limp? "That was the dog's bullocks! Crickey, you were great out there, Dirk! Oh, and uh... Thanks...for saving me... That was incredibly nice of you..."  
"Well, y'know, I can't just watch you die out there! So I decided to save you."  
"But it could've very well killed you..."  
"Did it?"  
"No..."  
"Then it's all good!"  
Jake sighed heavily and walked over to the crab monster's punctured claw. Then he pulled out my katana and pointed it straight at my neck. "Here ya go."  
My initial reaction was to grab the sword and twist it to twist his arms as well, for he handed it over incorrectly. Jake glared at me and my eyes widened, and soon enough I had to move back as he pushed the sword forward into my lower stomach. He actually managed to cut me a bit, but not too badly. I moved the blade to my side and then pulled Jake towards me, causing him to stumble forward. Then, before he could regain composure, I jabbed the butt of the sword into his gut, and afterwards into his crotch.  
Show no mercy, Bro always told us.  
Jake doubled over, trembling a bit, then slowly glared up at me. I gulped. Soon enough, my hands were in the air due to him pushing the sword upward. Now that I was vulnerable, Jake showed even less mercy than I did, kicking me in the solar plexus, the stomach, and then straight where the sun don't shine.  
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!  
He did one last kick to push me down, successful. I tried to get back up but I felt my hands being pinned down to the ground. Jake, now straddling me and smirking, said, "I keep telling you that simple fights with your brothers are nothing like wrestling large animals down to the death. "  
I squirmed a little. Fuck, Jake quit looking at me like that while being on top of me you seductive lil shit.  
"J-Jake..."  
"Hmm?"  
"Please let go of me."  
"Do you surrender?"  
"Sure."  
Jake let go of me and sat up. "Alright then. Game ov-"  
I immediately punched him in the neck and flipped us over. Haha, now _I'm_ on top! And I hope to stay on top.  
For the rest of our relationship.  
Of course, that's probably not gonna be the case cause nothing ever actually goes my way.  
Jake coughed and choked a bit, but recovered, giving me this look of betrayal, but also...satisfaction?  
"I'm impressed, Strider. You know how to lose a little dignity to win." I smirked. "I suppose so."  
He smiled at me.  
I smiled at him.  
We're in pain and covered in blood but we're perfectly content this way.  
Now would be a perfect time for, I dunno, a kiss?  
Too bad that only happens in the movies.  
Suddenly, there was this high pitched noise that totally didn't scare the shit outta me. Totally. I jumped a little and slipped, falling down on top of him, smashing our lips together.

Fuck yes.

Sadly, both of us froze up for a moment, then as soon as Jake realized the situation, he...  
Pushed me off.  
Just fucking pushed me.  
With enough force to make me fly in the air a bit and land on my ass.  
Owwww...  
Jake sat up and looked away from me. I stared at him. Then, both of us turned to the source of the high-pitched noise: Tinkerbull.  
That stupid fucking fairy bull!  
I looked over at Jake and then sighed. "Hey, I'm so sorry it was an accident I swear-"  
"I know... It's fine, really. Just as long as we never speak of it again."  
"Speak of what again?" I smiled. Jake grinned. "Perfect."  
Tinkerbull huffed and then narrowed his eyes at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. Jake rolled his eyes at both of us and stood up, headed towards the crab monster's corpse. I watched as he lifted its head and began pulling it along. Tinkerbull growled and head butted my back, basically telling me to get up and help. So I lifted my lazy ass and then picked up the back of the crab monster, pushing it along.  
It took ten minutes to get to the front of the cave. Without my and Tinkerbull's help, it probably would've taken Jake about an hour of hauling, picking up remains, and pushing along. He pushed the corpse into the cave and then smiled proudly. "Well, I guess that's that. Would you like to help me dismantle and cook it?"  
"I would if I could, but my brother's gonna get worried again, especially since I just rushed out of the house when we all heard the screeching..."  
"Oh... Ok then. Well, goodnight Dirk!" He jumped into the cave, Tinkerbull following behind. Of course, he didn't go inside before giving me the "I'm watching you" motion with his hoof.  
I started back towards the mansion, thinking of the events of today. There's this achy feeling in my back-probably from the fighting, Jake is no fan of intimate actions, and Tinkerbull is really fucking overprotective. But, overall, everything worked out fine!  
Now how to get these blood stains off...


	9. 9: It can put you under the influence

**Hey guys the follows and favorites are great but do you wanna know what REALLY makes me happy and more compelled to write? Reviews. And not just "hahahaha" because I wanna be able to respond to you guys and stuff, y'know? Connect with my readers and still have hope that people somewhat like it.**

"Great news, everyone!"

Bro, Equius, and I all looked up from our breakfast plates, rather surprised to see that Dave was speaking. Like, holy shit it talks.

"The release of the final movie and comic book are coming out tomorrow! You know what that means?"

Equius opened his mouth to answer, but Dave simply interrupted any response that could've been given to him. "That means I'm retired! I will have more time to do more things! In fact, I'll even have more time to spend with Egbert and his family." Dave gave all of us this cheeky grin, obviously overjoyed about spending more time with the Crocker Co.

No, not once did he mention his brothers-his lifelong caretakers and the reason he's so damn rich.

Hell, if I didn't teach him about irony, he'd just be mooching off of us.

Bro sighed for reasons that I don't quite know yet. It could be for the same reason I was upset, or it could just be that the waffles tasted a little odd today. Bro said that Equius said that he added love to them but his definition of love can be many things...

I still never actually caught sight of Equius talking and I don't know how Bro does it.

Dave broke me out of my train of thought by speaking again. "Hey, why aren't you guys happy? I know you're always complaining about me and my job and now my career is over! Isn't that great?"

All three of us took a bite out of Equius' special waffles to avoid answering. Dave raised an eyebrow at us. Then he sighed.

"Why are all of y'all so damn hard to please?"

Bro swallowed his food and slowly looked up at Dave. "You say you have more time for who again?"

"John and his family..."

"Is there anyone else you care about?"

Dave looked up, thinking for a moment. Then he shook his head. "No, not that I can think of. "

Bro looked back down at his food with that same disappointed look he gave me ten years ago when I robbed this little kid of his lunch money.

Hey, I needed it more than he did. We were still poor and that bitchy little child rode home in a fucking Ferrari.

Dave stared at us for a moment, then Equius seemed to whisper something in Dave's ear. That was when Dave's eyes widened behind his stupid shades.

"Wait, guys I meant I could spend time with you guys too! Oh my god, I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!"

"Dave." I looked at him blankly, staring into his ego-infected soul. He tried to avoid eye contact.

"Dave, it's alright. I totally understand."

"Really?!" Dave gave me this hopeful look. I smirked. "No. But, I do understand that you don't care for us and that we bore you. I understand that you would much rather be around John, or the Crocker family, or your fans. I understand that family is no longer your priority, and that's okay. Go ahead. Live your life."

Dave pouted. He knew that what I said meant the total opposite. I didn't want him to leave us. Hell, I didn't even understand what was so great about the Crocker family. They're cute, but that's all. All of them have a secret evil to them. For example, Jane is really sweet, but also envious and can hold a serious grudge. John is adorable, but also a smartass that can ruin your day with one sentence. Jade seems pretty sweet but she always has a gun on her and is extremely trigger happy. She'll shoot her entire family with no hesitation, seriously.

Oh, that reminds me, she shot her grandfather out of blind anger and rage the other day. The shot wasn't fatal, but he got a heart attack from shock. Jade told her family that they'll be next if anyone tells, so they taxidermed him and pretended that he was alive. It's a real tragedy, really.

But that's a good example! Jade is the sweetest little girl, but she's responsible for her grandfather's death! Why does Dave like to be around these crazy people?!

Anyways, we continued to eat breakfast in silence. Eventually, it was time for Dave to leave, so that left Bro and me alone.

After Dave finishes his last movie and comic book, we'll all be retired. Sounds weird cause the oldest of us is 35. Actually, Equius never told me his age, but I'm pretty sure he's younger than Bro.

Bro looked up at me and smiled. "How's it goin' with you and Jake?"

"We're cool."

"Dirk. Details."

I sighed heavily. "Well, we're considered good friends. I mean, we accidentally kissed-"

"You what?! Oh my god. How did he react?" Bro seems way too excited about this...

"He pushed me off and said never to speak of it again."

"Ouch, man. That's pretty bad."

I heaved out a heavy sigh and stood up. "Well, we're still good friends and I still have a chance. It was just an accident. I'm gonna go talk to him."

"Hey if you two fuck, I want you to tell me about it."

I gave him this look before rolling my eyes and leaving. As I left, I could hear Bro laughing from a distance.

Transition

Jake wasn't at the clearing. No, not at all. The only living creature sitting there was that god damn fairy bull. It glared at me for a long moment and then hissed.

I wasn't aware that bulls could hiss...

"Hey, what the fuck happened to Jake?"

He squeaked at me and turned away.

"C'mon, dude I know you have that telepathy shit going on there. Just tell me."

Tinkerbull stuck up his head and then huffed, spraying fairy dust everywhere. I coughed a little cause that shit is like dust smoke.

"Can you give me a hint? Is he at the pumpkin patch? The cave? The waterfall? God please let it be the waterfall..."

Tinkerbull narrowed his eyes at me.

"Chill, it was a joke. Seriously, where did he go?"

He shrugged.

"Really? Dude, you're like the most overprotective lil shit I've ever seen and you DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS?!"

I'm pretty sure I scared off a few creatures, but whatever. Tinkerbull wasn't even phased by my screaming, simply letting out a sigh. He made more of those weird squeaky noises before lifting himself in the air. "Y'know, you could just do that thing you do with Jake. Or is he just crazy and thinks he understands you?"

Tinkerbull blinked at me. That's it. Didn't even squeak. Then he turned around and started flying away from me. I followed.

"So, are you always gonna be angry with me? It's not my fault that I accidentally saw him bathing under a waterfall."

Tinkerbull didn't respond.

"It's also not my fault I was stalking him."

Tinkerbull stopped in his tracks and looked back at me skeptically.

"Okay, so maybe that was my fault but he's attractive as fuck, okay?"

Tinkerbull rolled his eyes and continued.

"You're a terrible conversationalist, did you know that."

He snorted.

"So... Why do you wanna protect Jake so much? Also, why do you hate me? All I want to do is help him."

Tinkerbull turned towards me, his eyes glowing a bright bronze color. I stepped back a little, hearing something in my subconscious...quiet...subtle... I couldn't make it out, but it sounded like Tinkerbull was trying to tell me something. His eyes turned back to normal and he groaned. I chuckled a little.

"Communication problems?"

He gave me this "You shut the fuck up" look and continued to lead me through the forest.

"Where are we going, anyways?"

He didn't answer.

After some more traveling, the forest began to emit this creepy vibe... The area darker... The trees rotting, large spiderwebs dangling off and attaching the branches. The further we walked, the creepier and more gruesome it became. Many small animals were struggling to untangle themselves from the webs to no avail, including Tinkerbull's own kind. Despite this, he simply dodged the webs and kept on fluttering on.

"Uh... Lil dude, I'm gettin' this strange, uneasy feeling that you're tryin' to kill me..."

He snorted and kept going. Out of the sense of protection, I followed him and I followed closely.

Now I could say the area's entirely made up of webs, the trees covered in so much silk that they could be described as pure white.

Pure. Fuzzy. Sticky. White.

I touched one of the trees. Yep. Definitely fuzzy. Less sticky than I thought... It moved a little, retracting away from my hand.

Well, shit. I don't think trees are supposed to move like that.

I looked up to see that, yes, that was no tree, but instead the leg of a spider.

Oh.

Looking to my right, behind the webbed leaves of the nearby (real) trees, I saw it. The spider. It was holding something close to it's fuzzy and creepy-ass face lovingly. The thing was covered in webs, but it was limp, like a dead animal. I looked back at where Tinkerbull was hovering, or should I say, where he would've been hovering.

What the fucking shit?!

That asshole ditched me!

I looked back at the spider. It nuzzled its little squirming web cocoon before attaching it to the large web that spreads along the forest floor and turning around to tend to another task. I looked back at the cocoon and saw Tinkerbull flying up towards it. I figured that wherever he is, there is safety, so I ran up to the cocoon as well. With closer investigation, I noticed that it was more of a human shape. Oh shit...

I started ripping off some of the webs to see Jake staring lifelessly into the distance, his eyes glowing blue. The spider turned back around to see us. And that was when it flipped its shit.

Welp.

Tinkerbull immediately flew up to the spider as his eyes turned bronze, like he did when trying to communicate with me a while ago, and soon enough the spider calmed down and fell asleep. Jake suddenly stopped laughing and screamed, his eyes no longer glowing.

"AAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!" Jake broke himself out of the rest of the web and immediately whipped out his pistol, about to shoot the spider. I didn't want him waking the thing up, so I tackled him to the ground, pinning him down by his wrists. The gun fired off into the air, but luckily didn't hit anything. I heard Tinkerbull let out a sigh of relief behind me.

"There's a spider the size of Texas over there, Dirk!"

"Jake, shh, it's okay!"

"NOTHING IS OKAY ABOUT THIS!"

"You've been on this island for five years and haven't seen it yet?"

"Well, I have... I just don't like her all that much. She's been trying to use her wretched mind control to eat me for a while since she can never get her fat ass out of this particular area."

Mind control?

Huh...

The area is pretty open, but the trees grow dense after some travel. This area probably was full of trees until she came along and knocked shit over.

"Well, Jake, that doesn't mean you should shoot her! I'm about 100% sure that spider will only wake up and get mad if you shoot it!"

"But it's worth a shot!"

"It's really not, Jake."

Jake huffed and tried to push me off him. This time I didn't budge and instead grabbed his shoulders, lifted them a little, then slammed his upper body down painfully on the spiderweb covered ground. He growled at me but didn't show anymore protest.

Smirking, I got off and dusted myself off. Jake did the same, but didn't smirk. Tinkerbull suddenly squeaked very loudly and began to fly away. We both looked back at the spider, who just so happened to have awoken. Jake screamed and aimed his pistol. I groaned and grabbed his gun hand, unluckily getting shot in the lower stomach. I took the pain like a man and dragged Jake away from the area, unsure whether or not we were actually being chased.

Once we made it to where the trees were dense and the spiderwebs were few, the real pain kicked in.

I fell to my knees and cried. Yes, I cried because, y'know, it REALLY FUCKING HURTS to get shot.

Jake gave me a worried look for a moment. Then he kneeled down to my level, trying his best to comfort me. "Shh, Dirk. It's gonna be fine. That wasn't a fatal shot...right? Oh my goodness, I apologize for my immense stupidity! Please stop crying! You're making me wanna cry!"

Jake suddenly started crying, louder than I. Tinkerbull looked so confused. My crying slowly came to a stop. Jake stopped too. I fondly, but wearily grinned at him.

"Bro...used to do that all the time to get me to calm down."

"It works pretty well, eh?"

I looked down at my wound and back to Jake. He smiled a little. I raised an eyebrow. His smiled transformed into a grin as he, dashed off the to a large leafy plant, grabbed some leaves, and ran back up to me. I shook my head and backed away a bit. I knew exactly what he planned on doing and I don't trust him.

Don't get me wrong, I like him, but should I trust him with my _injuries_?

He glared at me and then punched me in my wound. "Ow ffffFUCK!" I screamed out and trembled. Jake then had me pinned down by the waist and spat on his hands, rubbing them together afterwards.

"Alright Dirk. This is going to be painful so please try to keep quiet." He began to try to dig the bullet out with one finger.

Oh, yes, I kept quiet. Real fuckin quiet. By screaming out various profanities and nonsense at the top of my lungs. Tinkerbull was scared off, as well as any other surrounding creatures.

Jake got the bullet out and flicked it back before wrapping and sticking the leaves over the bleeding area. For some reason, I felt all the pain go away by simply looking into those soothing emerald eyes. Also, Tinkerbull returned and was releasing his marijuana dust everywhere to calm me down.

Well, I think that pixie dust is just a euphemism for some drug. Whatever it is, it works pretty damn well.

Jake spoke, his words flowing out like a silent and calming stream.

"Dirk, are you okay now? Do you feel better?"

I nodded, a little dazed. He smiled, his adorable little overbite clearly visible. I still don't know how he keeps his teeth so damn clean out here...

After a moment of pure pleasure and content silence, Jake helped me up as Tinkerbull stopped with the drug release. A jolt of pain shot through me when I stood, causing me to cringe a little. Tinkerbull smirked and fluttered away, bidding farewell for now. Jake sighed and lead me to the end of the forest where my field of a front lawn began. I looked across the field to my mansion. Then I looked at Jake.

"Hey, Jake wanna come to my place?"

"No."

"Aw come on, please! I just want you to meet my brothers! Or at least, one of them..." I glared at particularly nothing, thinking about Dave for a moment, then I snapped back into the subject at hand. Jake stared at the ground.

"I don't want to go into your nice, clean home with overwhelming technology and other humans."

"Jake please it'll make me very happy!" I gave him a puppy face. He fired back with his own.

"But Dirk it'll make me very sad!"

"But Jake I want you to come with me!"

"But Dirk I don't want to!"

"But Jake !"

"But Dirk!"

"But..." I removed my shades. And gave him the best puppy face I could muster. "Jaaaaake!"

Jake stared at me for a long moment. Then he sighed, defeated. "Fine."

"Hell yeah!" I fist pumped and immediately grabbed his hand, dragging him towards my home. I ignored the pain in my stomach.

Transition

"Wow, Dirk. You actually managed to bring him home..." Bro was currently standing at the doorway, looking Jake up and down. He even had the audacity to circle and poke at Jake a little. Bro smirked when Jake would flinch and even giggle sometimes.

So... Jake is ticklish... I shall use this to my advantage later on.

Finally, Bro stood in front of him and grinned. "He's pretty cute. I see why you like him so much."

"BRO!" I blushed a little because sometimes my feelings are too much for me to hide around these attractive people.

Bro ignored me and leaned down so he was nose to nose with Jake. "In fact, he's really cute." He lifted Jake's chin with one finger so their lips were but a few centimeters apart. "You have beautiful eyes..."

Jake blushed madly and backed up a little, hiding his mouth behind his hand. "G-golly..."

Did that word just escape Jake's mouth?

"Ah, and you've got an accent there too."

"As do you, Mr. Strider." Jake gave Bro a nervous smile. Then Bro connected their lips for a few seconds.

Okay, I'm not usually the jealous type but that's fucking bullshit right there!

"**_BRO_**!"

He departed from the kiss, giving me a knowing smirk and standing to his full height. I looked over at Jake, who appeared shocked. His face was such a shade of red...

I glowered at Bro, and he laughed a little and pushed Jake away.

"Go check out the place and don't break our shit."

Jake obliged and Bro dragged me over to the corner of the living room.

"Listen here, Dirk. Your boyfriend has a very interesting mindset."

"Tell me about it..."

"Actually, I will. Jake is the type who will be clueless of the feelings of others unless he's smacked in the face with them. If you're in love with him, flirt! See how quickly he just went with it? Now he sees me as a flirt and a new friend. If I keep that up, he'll see me as a lover. Dirk, Jake is incredibly dense. I'm not insulting him; it's a fact. If you just keep giving him hints and trying to help him, you'll always be a friend to him. That's how it works in his head."

I stared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier?"

"Well, if I met him earlier then I would've told you."

...

Well, shit.

Bro always had this amazing skill of knowing exactly how people are by simply spending no more than one minute with them. Damn, sometimes I wish Bro would teach me how to do shit like this...

"So... You're saying that I have to just straight up flirt with him and kiss him to win his heart?"

"It'd probably work. If you keep up what you're doing now, he'll eventually get it, but it'll take a while."

"But, Bro! I'm not like you! I don't have the ability to flirt and then immediately have people drool all over me!"

"Yes, you do! Don't ever say you can't do what I do! You have that inherited Strider charm and you have the full capability!"

"I'm not even related to you!"

"But I taught you everything and you are just as sexy as me! Now go back out there and get some English ass!"

I sneered at Bro, but did as he told me, going back up to Jake, who was currently talking to Equius. They stopped talking as soon as I was within ear shot of them.

What the fuck?! Is Equius afraid of me or some shit?

I grabbed Jake's hand and lead him over to the elevator. After pressing the up button and going inside the quickly opened doors, I pressed the 2 button to go to the floor of my bedroom. I'll admit, having our own elevator in our own house is pretty damn cool. Sadly, we lack any stairs whatsoever. I blame Dave and his dumbass comics.

Jake looked at me as the elevator began to rise up. I looked back at him.

"What?"

He stayed silent for a few seconds before finally saying with a light blush, "Your brother is really hot."

...

Sigh...


End file.
